13.12.2015

What’s next. Where to go what to do where to live; what’s next after what’s next for now.

These feel like large, life defining, questions at times. At other moments they are just the practicalities or interesting thoughts which spin around.

I’m not sure where or what is next for me in the next year. I don’t know which goals I’m setting and pursuing.

I do know that this is OK. It’s fine not to have a plan but just to muddle forward in the midst of life. As long as we’re going forward I think that’s all we can ask sometimes.

20.04.2016

It has been an age since I last posted – to be honest I thought I at least had a draft kicking around here about life.current. Alas it would seem not.

What I have found is the above post – until now remaining unpublished but entitled as ‘Next’.

I can hear my confusion and determination to stay afloat and moving. The lack of clarity. I was coming to the end of eMi and Canada when I wrote that. I flew out on the 21st December to spend Christmas and New Year with family in Alaska.

I was incredibly lucky.

Not only had I spend four months in Canada and made some incredible friends, I was now about to fly to Alaska for Christmas. I still feel almost embarrassed that I have had these opportunities. I am so thankful for those who supported and prayed for me and continue to do so.

‘Next’ encapsulates a snippet of my mindset – it is the whisper of fleeting thoughts.

I hopefully will always clutch to the possibility of future, of other, and of more. However when I wrote that unpublished post I had very little idea of what are where I was going. These were not existential questions but practical ones. Where would I live and how would I be supporting myself? Would I be confident enough, determined enough and robust enough to push through disappointments and uncertainty?

‘Next’ is the lingering fragrance upon my neck as that fleeting and partially undefined self passes from view.