Coping with the realities and practicalities of life is hard – I don’t know how to do it! Sometimes, it’s fine (ish) I get to work on time, I make healthy dinners, I go out for fresh air. Sometimes it’s no so fine.
I cope, but there’s a whirlwind of do this do that, why is that still not done, you missed that, spinning around me. That whirlwind can be quite destructive. I can self-sabotage – aware that if something fails because of me then the blame and issue is obvious and fixated. I can hide from the realities of needing to just get on with it. The fact is that my regret will amount to those times when I chose not to try.
I don’t think we can be go-getters and organisational whizzkids all the time ( more power to you if you are) but I do think I’ve got to balance life between going off the deep end into adventures and excitement and going off into despair.
This may seem melodramatic and I expect on some levels it is. Although life isn’t always rosey and a run of perfectly executed plans it is not a pit of weighty despair either. It is just that reallife isn’t easy. There is pain, there are mistakes, there is tiredness but there are moments of joy regardless of circumstance too and there is light in this world.
I have found that even in the darkness there is light, there is hope and there can be freedom. I don’t always get it right, and I don’t always see myself going into a spiral of stress and simply go ‘oh but there is light in the world Hannah, look up’, but I do have hope and that is something to cling to.
I am a Christian and my faith is based more on friendship and developing a relationship with God than it is on religious practices or etiquette. Although I might seem ok, or mostly on top of things at times, there is often a bit of a whirlwind that I feel I’m in. Regardless of that though my centre reference point remain sure; God. That I believe in Him, that I try and trust Him, that I know He is real and is true, that I know He loves my inquisitive mind and give me the freedom to choose. That I chose to follow Him and still do even within the whirlwinds because He is my only point of stability and my only necessity. He is my hope.