Writing is a time capsule – a fixed moment caught. Like a photograph capturing a memory our writing shows us things one forgotten. Calling back to mind life.
Sometimes these are memories we hold onto already but I find that often they are memories we did not know we had. They point us to mindsets we still battle or joy we forgot. They remind us that a lot can happen in a day, a week, a month, a year. That life is a mixture of moments and emotions and that together this cause infinite possibilities to play out.
Were I was in January is not what I felt in February and as we enter May (Aside – how the heck are we in May. I’m not the only one baffled right?) life is still moving. I find that both exciting and completely overwhelming at different times, but often I feel that all at once! How do you navigate and move ahead with life without being drowned in its realities.
In reality by perseverance.
By determinedly pushing forward and when it feels like you cannot, that there is no pushing forward, by doing it anyway. On the days, weeks and months when life is far more terrifying and overbearing that it felt before find sometime to move. Something you can do.
I have a lot to do today, a lot which really I feel should already be completed and done but is not, that’s difficult and frustrating. On top of that, despite trying to rest and finally sleeping in for the first time in a long time I feel guilty about that and stress in encroaching. Doing a blog update does not feel like the smart or clever move in this situation. However. 11am and getting out of bed was my first target (done by the way, up and dressed, though definitely back sitting on my bed writing now). Target 2 – eat some breakfast. I’m trying to instill some healthy patterns and rhythms (another area in which plodding is fine). Then – be productive do all your things.
A target much more undefined, roughly hewn from todays plan, a vague and daunting target. Basically a very unhelpful approach.
So, once my laptop awoke and settled, I just began and that beginning was to remember a blog I’d not yet published. Which lead me on to writing this, which has released some thoughts and tensions, this does not solve my world or complete my tasks but it does begin. It does respond to my need to write, the benefit and clarity that comes from getting this out of my head. As I type and think and try and work out what the point of this blog is I come to a peace that it does not matter. That for me writing helps and there is bravery in immortalising it online. Writing is a captured snippet of where I am and that is exciting to record. Beginning here I hope my day will be productive – I am dubious – even if it is not however, I am helped by beginning. By doing and completing small tasks while I work up to the imminent and important. Although I could focus on feeling guilty, or beating myself up over being unproductive, there is a large way in which that is both pointless and unhelpful. It does not solve my to-do’s and if anything takes me future away from the ability to complete them.
It is only through perseverance that we can embrace all aspects of life as pure joy; because in our plodding and determination we choose to learn, and move forward, and achieve one small thing (like getting out of bed) from which we will see the world changed.